When bullying goes too far

Tunohole Mungoba

Cyber-bullying amongst the youth

With most of the youth having access to social media sites, many of them have fallen victim to the dangerous world of cyber-bullying. The Zone writes about what are the psychological effects of cyber-bullying and what could happen to you if you are caught bullying others.

“It all started when I broke up with my boyfriend. He is a very popular guy in school and he is also a good soccer player so most of the girls around school wanted to be with him,” says Zoe (not her real name). Zoe was dating her boyfriend, Octavio (not his real name) for about 11 months when they broke up. During their relationship, she had to fight off a lot of people, girls in particular that were not exactly happy for her.

Another reason that contributed to outsiders ‘hating’ on their relationship was because Zoe was in grade 9 and Octavio was in grade 11 when they started dating. “Most of the girls that gave me mean looks at the tuckshop were girls in senior grades and they were not happy that a junior is in a relationship with someone much older than them,” she says. Although they were happy together in the beginning of their relationship, Octavio struggled to bring her around his friends as Zoe was not fully accepted. This meant that they would have to hang around school alone and not surrounded by his friends.

“I did not have a problem with this as his friends did not like me so I prefer spending time with him alone. The girls in his class always tried to embarrass me during school hours and they also made sure they created rumours to make sure I break up with Octavio. These rumours got spread very easily on my Qooh.me account.”

Qooh.me is a social site that allows people to ask you anonymous questions so “they can know you better.” Your replies will appear on your main profile only if you answer the question you get asked. The tricky thing about the website is, when things get out of hand or inappropriate, there is no ability to ban users and no way to find out who said what.

“On this website, there is not really much control as no action taken against anyone that harasses or bully others. The website leaves this responsibility to the users of whom they have no ability to track or manage,” says an upset Zoe. She tried to ignore the messages on her account, but it started getting worse after she and Octavio broke up. “I got a lot of messages from girls who were happy that we broke up and it has slowly decreased since,” she says.

The emotional and psychological dangers of cyber-bullying

Clinical psychologist, Cynthia Uamuina Beukes says traditional bullying has always been around, but it has evolved due to the increasing use of technology. “There are various reasons why children bullying others. It could be that they witnessed others being bullied and they want to subject others to this feel and maybe assert themselves by making someone else feel worthless,” she says.

She also adds that young people are still growing so it is easy for them to follow the crowd. “Children will bully if someone else is bullying. They can easily copy that behaviour without really thinking about it,” Beukes says. She also continues by saying that young people are more prone to this kind of behaviour as their frontal lobes which are responsible for our emotions, actions and thinking clearly and they are still developing until the age of 25.

“Children do not really put themselves in the victim’s shoes and because you are not physically attacking someone, you are more willing to risk it all as there is a physical distance online,” she says.

Constant bullying can result in severe depression, suicide, social anxiety and a lowered self-esteem. “When these disorders are not confronted early, they can lead to mental breakdowns. With traditional bullying, it happens in one place such as school or within your community. But with cyber-bullying, it follows you around it also leave a digital footprint as it cannot be removed.

Beukes however does share that there is light at the end of the tunnel and one can seek help if you are bullied. “If it is identified early and you seek help, the chances of recovery are high. Talk to a friend or someone that you trust and let them get professional help as well,” she says.

What could happen to you if you are caught?

Norman Tjombe, human rights lawyer says that cyber bullying is increasingly becoming a serious matter because of the technological developments in the ease and spontaneous nature of social media, and the fact that more and more people have access to the devices, such as smart phones and computers. “Whilst cyber bullying is not yet a standalone criminal offence, it is covered by several other laws, such as criminal defamation and that is when you say nasty and untrue things about another person. Even offenses such as assault can get to arrested and a culprit can go to prison or pay a heavy fine,” warns Tjombe.

According to Tjombe, cyber bullying can also be defined as stalking and a victim can obtain a court order to stop the harassment or bullying. “Whichever way one looks at it, it a serious matter and young people should be advised not to engage in cyber bullying. When someone harms him or herself as a result of being a victim of cyber bullying, it can even mean that the culprit maybe held liable for the act, even if the person committed suicide. In such cases, a culprit can be charged and convicted of culpable homicide if it is proved that it was reasonable to foresee that a person will commit suicide because of the cyber bullying,” he explains to the Zone.

The culprit can be sent to prison for anything between 5 years and 15 years, or be made to pay a fine of N$20,000 to N$1 million.Tjombe advised young people to involve their parents and trustworthy teachers in matters such as creating social media accounts Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat.

“Only if everyone is responsible on social media, and you take measures to protect yourself and not expose yourself to bullies, can social media really be fun to use. It is a great tool for social interaction, but also for school work, and even when you are looking for a job, but bad people also use it for bad things,” says Tjombe.

Fact box: How to help someone that is being bullied

· Don’t join in or watch bullying. Walk away, and see if you can get others to leave, too. Go get help.

· Stop any rumours. If someone tells you gossip, don’t pass it on to others. You wouldn’t want someone spreading rumours about you.

· Stand up for the person. If it feels safe, defend the person being bullied. Bullies often care a lot about being popular and powerful.

· Tell a teacher

· Go with the person being bullied and back up what they say to the teacher

· Or tell the person being bullied that you'll help them to tell their parents

· Tell your parents what's happening and ask them to have a quiet word with your head of year

· If your parents cannot help, tell an adult. If you feel uncomfortable telling an adult, ask the adult to keep your comments private.

· Encourage the bullied person to talk to an adult. Offer to go with them.

· Offer support. Ask if the person is okay. Be friendly the next day. You can make a big difference just by showing you care.

· Agree with your friends that you will all make it clear to the person doing the bullying that you don't like what they're doing

· Keep a diary of what you see going on so that you can give a teacher a reliable account of what has been happening