Good leaders use emotional intelligence

Good research lies behind the recognition that people who are self-aware, compassionate, able to read others, and capable of both experiencing and containing strong emotions are more successful than those who lack those qualities, even though the latter may have greater intellectual capacities. Research suggests that at least some people are born with a high degree of personal and interpersonal competency.

EQ is physiological as well as psychological in nature. Its source lies in the core feelings and sensations that originate in the oldest part of our brains, the brain stem. These core feelings, sensations, and emotions, which may begin even before birth and are developed by the second month of life, are the source of our individuality and our personal and collective instinct for survival. The self-awareness, self-control, insight, and empathy toward others that define EQ are rooted in these core instincts. Trauma can create a barrier to self-awareness and our survival instincts, but healing through reconnection to these core instincts and the EQ they provide is always possible.

How to become an emotionally intelligent leader

Because EQ is an instinctual resource that can be blocked but not eliminated, emotionally intelligent leadership is a skill that can be learned and taught throughout life. When we are courageous enough to learn from the pain of the mistakes we have made in dealing with others, we become emotionally intelligent leaders through trial and error. Our errors in judgment become our teachers, and we grow in our ability to manage others and ourselves. But a sometimes quicker way to learn EQ leadership is through the day-to-day example of an emotionally intelligent mentor — someone with the willingness to be generous with himself or herself and candid about his or her experiences. Educators agree that there is no more effective way to learn, or to teach, than through the example of someone we trust with our feelings and look up to.

The following are suggestions based on some of the characteristics and competencies that make a person emotionally developed and a good leader:

Tune in to your core instincts

Take reflective time every day to tune in to your core instincts. We learn to do this by slowing down enough to comprehend messages that our bodies are constantly sending us via our physical and emotional feelings. The sensual physical language of the body is nonverbal. Deciphering it takes time and effort. The slowing down needed to attune to our feelings and sensations can be accomplished through prayer or meditation, when the focus of such practice is internal discovery. This is particularly important if you lead a pressured life. Pressured lifestyles can activate endorphins in the brain that induce in a person a drugged-like state of false well-being while actually reducing that person's awareness of feelings and needs and even blunting his or her instincts for survival.

The instinctual knowing that constantly keeps us informed of our most pressing problems and deeper values also informs the critical ability to know when we don't know — when we don't have enough information, or the right information, to make a good decision. Because emotionally intelligent leaders draw, in their decision making, from both thought-based intellectual resources and intuitive sensory-based resources, they have a greater amount of data from which to draw. This makes their communication more effective and their decisions sounder.

Connect thought and feeling

Make an effort to inform your thoughts with your feelings and your feelings with your thoughts. Unfortunately, the nonverbal language of the body can be, and often is, shouted down by the mind. Then you can't hear yourself at an instinctual level. At other times, such as when some kind of unresolved trauma remains an issue in your life, the body and emotions can have more sway over your life than conscious thoughts do, a condition that can result in panic attacks; outbursts of anger; and physical symptoms such as migraines, stomach disorders, or backaches. People who make an effort to maintain a connection between what they are thinking, saying, and doing, on one hand, and what they are feeling, on the other, bring the wisdom of their core instincts to their decisions and actions.

STATS

Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:

Self-management

Self-awareness

Social awareness

Relationship management

Did you know?

Work

We need emotional intelligence (EQ) most where we’re least likely to find it: at work.

Health tip

Set up predictable challenges.

Health precaution tip

Expect setbacks.